At this time in life..

Its been a LONG time since I last blogged. I've just been so busy and caught up with school and life. I've had a lot of things on my mind lately that I didn't get a chance to blog about, so hopefully in the next few weeks I'll get a chance to articulate those thoughts.

for now here is:

At this time in life…

I realized I just hit a time in life where I need to start making major decisions that will probably change the entire course of my future, my life. 

[maybe that’s why this week has just been so stressful]

decisions about…

How I’m gonna live my life.

What I’m gonna be doing in a several years.

What my future will be like.

Who my friends will be.

Which relationships to pursue and which ones to give up and walk away from.

Who to trust and who not to.

What my responsibilities are.

& What my goal at this time in life should be.

I feel as if I’m standing at the edge of a cliff, looking straight down. Knowing I have to take one step forward. There’s no going back, no way to change the past. But taking that one step… the timing, the distance, and how I take the step will forever change my future. All the decisions I make right now, at this moment and in the next few months will change and affect how I hit the water down below. Whether I dive hand first or feet first. Or even if I’ll dive into still waters, just breaking through the water naturally, almost without realizing that I already hit it. Or whether I’ll dive into a stormy sea with waves pulling and tugging, pushing and throwing me against the rocks.

Then again, I guess I can always think of it as jumping and creating a cannonball, having fun & enjoying the time on my way down, and as I hit the water, the ripples and waves created can represent the impact I can have on this world and the people around me.

Never have I felt this way before… this amount of stress about the future. Even choosing a college to attend wasn’t this stressful. I’m sure.

Time just doesn’t ever stop… even for a second.

Its time to make my decisions. Time for me to think things through. Time for me to take life seriously. Time to let go and give God control. Time for me to take that one step forward, blindly, BUT trusting him fully to take care of me. I know its my time... but why am I standing here, blankly staring into the stars, asking for a pause. Just one second, just a brief moment to catch my breath. Im just not ready... not just yet. Seems as though I'm really running out of time. And this is a scary thought..